Co-Parenting Tips for a Peaceful Summer Holiday
By Amanda Marsden, Partner, Senior Family & Estate Planning Lawyer, Calgary
Summer holidays are upon us! A time often associated with relaxation, adventure, and cherished family memories. But for separated parents, this time of year can also usher in a wave of anxiety and uncertainty. It makes sense when trying to balance children's needs through scheduling conflicts and the emotional ups and downs of co-parenting – the struggle is real.
Divorce and separation bring emotional challenges for both parents and children, and these feelings are often heightened during the summer holidays. Coping with feelings of sadness, loneliness, or resentment can be especially tough when surrounded by images of perfect family vacations and carefree summer adventures. Acknowledging and validating these emotions, both in ourselves and children, is an important part of moving forward in a positive way.
In this blog, we’ll share practical tips to help you navigate your summer co-parenting schedule. With a bit of proactive planning and open communication that prioritizes children's well-being, co-parents can enjoy stress-free summer parenting time.
Summer Traditions
As a starting point, it may be necessary to redefine your family’s expectations. For many families, summer traditions like vacations, barbecues, and outdoor adventures hold special significance. However, after a separation, these traditions may need to be reimagined to work within the new family dynamic. While it's natural to mourn the loss of those shared experiences, embracing the opportunity to create new traditions can bring excitement and possibility for both parents and children. It’s important that both parents get quality time with the children, engaging in these new traditions to create happy summer memories.
Some strategies include:
- Prioritizing quality time and meaningful connections - Focus on the quality of time spent together rather than the quantity. Brainstorm fun and engaging activities that cater to your children's interests and preferences. Whether it's outdoor adventures, arts and crafts projects, or day trips to local attractions, prioritize activities that allow you to bond and create lasting memories together. Even simple things like cooking a meal together, playing board games, or stargazing in the backyard can provide opportunities for connection.
- Embrace new traditions - Use the summer as an opportunity to establish new traditions that reflect your family's evolving dynamic. Whether it's a weekly movie night, a monthly camping trip, or an annual beach vacation, embracing new traditions can help create a sense of continuity and stability for your children.
- Foster open communication - Create a safe and supportive environment where your children feel comfortable expressing their thoughts, feelings, and concerns. Encourage open communication and active listening. Validate their experiences without judgment or criticism. Acknowledge the challenges of separation and co-parenting openly and honestly with your children in an age-appropriate way. Collaborate with them to identify strategies for coping with difficult emotions and navigating family transitions with resilience.
- Practice self-care - Take time to prioritize your own self-care and well-being during the summer months. Whether it's scheduling regular exercise, practicing mindfulness and meditation, or pursuing hobbies and interests that bring you joy, investing in your own happiness and fulfillment is essential for your overall health and resilience. Lean on your support network for guidance, encouragement, and help with the children.
Bonus: Your kids are watching! Modeling good self-care can motivate them to practice their own self-care strategies, using the techniques you’ve shared with them. - Create space for fun and laughter - Make laughter and fun a priority in your summer plans. Incorporate humor, silliness, and playfulness into your daily routines to lighten the mood and foster a sense of joy and spontaneity.
Communicating openly and collaboratively with your co-parent about your expectations, preferences, and concerns regarding summer plans can help mitigate conflicts and ensure everyone's needs are taken into account. Flexibility, compromise, and a willingness to prioritize your children's well-being above all else can lay the foundation for a successful co-parenting dynamic during the summer months.
In the event of potential conflicts regarding vacations, camps, or extended weekend time, it’s important to address these issues as early as possible. Camping sites fill up, flight costs increase, and planning special events becomes more challenging as the summer progresses. If there are issues in planning vacations or necessary schedule changes, parents should contact a family lawyer sooner rather than later. This will allow for negotiations or potential mediated sessions well in advance of the summer months, helping to reach a resolution as soon as possible.
Travel
If you plan to travel with your children over the summer, it’s important to provide your co-parent with detailed information about the proposed trip, such as:
- When you plan on traveling.
- Where you will be staying.
- How you can be contacted.
- How the other parent will be able to communicate with the children during the trip.
Providing this information well in advance of your trip is advisable. That way, if any issues arise, they can be addressed beforehand, allowing your trip to proceed as planned.
If either parent plans to travel with the children outside of Canada, additional steps may be required to facilitate smooth travel. Often, you must provide notarized consent from the other parent. Alternatively, you may be required to obtain a court order to enable the desired travel. Canada Border Services offers a free template consent letter on their website, which must be signed by the other parent and includes additional information and considerations for travel. While the consent letter is not required, it can simplify travel for children in these instances.
Applying for children’s passports also usually requires the consent of both parents, and Passport Canada requires certain documentation to proceed with the application. If you have questions regarding the process of obtaining a passport for your child, especially if the other parent is uncooperative, it’s important to speak to a family lawyer as soon as possible. If court intervention is required, it can take some time before an order can be granted. The court is generally supportive of children traveling abroad, provided they are traveling to countries that do not currently have travel alerts and are signatories to the Hague Convention. These stipulations ensure children are traveling to safe countries and that the government in the destination country will ensure they are returned to Canada at the end of their trip.
Summer Childcare
Beyond scheduling vacation time, one of the most significant challenges co-parents face during the summer holidays is coordinating schedules and activities to ensure children have appropriate childcare over the summer months.
Ideally, this should be addressed in a comprehensive parenting plan, but it can also be dealt with separately if necessary. Juggling work commitments of both parents while ensuring the children are looked after is a joint responsibility that requires participation and cooperation. When both parents are involved in ensuring appropriate childcare, it increases the likelihood that both will get their desired summer vacation time. This can be a logistical challenge but is not insurmountable with the assistance of experienced counsel.
Creating a shared calendar or digital scheduling tool can further help to streamline communication and keep both parents informed of upcoming events, appointments, and commitments. There are some great online applications that can be used for this, such as OurFamilyWizard or CoParenter. This collaborative approach fosters transparency and accountability, minimizing misunderstandings and conflicts that arise from miscommunication or conflicting schedules. Again, thoughtful pre-planning well in advance of the summer holidays is helpful to ensure both parents can fulfill their work commitments without worrying about the need for childcare.
While co-parenting presents its share of challenges, it also offers a unique opportunity for growth, resilience, and renewed connection with your children. By prioritizing open communication, flexibility, and a shared commitment to your children's happiness and well-being, separated parents can create a supportive and nurturing environment that allows their children to thrive, even amidst the complexities of summer holidays.
At Crossroads Law, we understand the unique challenges co-parents face during the summer holidays. Whether you need assistance with creating a comprehensive parenting plan, resolving conflicts about summer travel, or ensuring appropriate childcare arrangements, our experienced family lawyers are committed to helping you prioritize your children's well-being and happiness. Book a free 20-minute consultation today to explore your options and ensure a joyful, stress-free summer for you and your family.
