Top Myths About Family Law Mediation—Debunked
By Camille Boyer, Senior Family Lawyer, Calgary
Family law mediation is a powerful tool – it offers a way to resolve disputes without the high cost, stress, or delays of going to court. But despite its many benefits, some people hesitate to try it because of lingering myths about how it works.
In this blog, we’re setting the record straight. We’ll walk you through the most common myths about family law mediation so you can feel confident and informed as you decide what approach works best for your situation.
Myth #1: Mediation Is Only for Couples Who Get Along
Many people believe that mediation won’t work if there’s tension, anger, or resentment between the parties. After all, how can people who are at odds possibly reach an agreement?
The Truth:
It’s actually the opposite – mediation is designed for people who are in conflict.
Mediators are trained professionals who know how to handle difficult and emotional situations. They act as neutral third parties, guiding discussions and keeping things on track. While it’s true that both parties need to be willing to participate, you don’t have to “get along” to succeed.
Myth #2: Mediation Means Compromising What You Deserve
Some people worry that mediation forces them to give up too much or settle for less than they’re entitled to — or that the mediator will pressure them or take sides.
The Truth:
Mediation isn’t about forcing unfair compromises—it’s about finding solutions that work for everyone. Mediators help you and the other party explore options and negotiate.
Often in a dispute, some compromise from one or both parties is necessary to reach a resolution. But in mediation, you still have the power to say “yes” or “no” to any proposal.
In fact, mediation often leads to creative solutions the courts can’t provide. You can also consult your lawyer throughout the process to make sure your rights are protected.
Choosing mediation doesn’t mean giving up what you’re entitled to. In many cases, it actually helps you get there faster–and with far less stress, cost, and risk than going to court.
Myth #3: Mediation Is a Waste of Time if We’ll End Up in Court Anyway
A common concern is that mediation will only delay the inevitable court battle, wasting time and money in the process.
The Truth:
Mediation is often highly effective, with success rates ranging from 70 to 80 percent.
Even if you don’t resolve every issue, mediation can help narrow the areas of disagreement, making any future court process shorter, less stressful, and less expenses. In many cases, it can help people avoid court altogether.
Myth #4: Mediation Is Only for Simple Cases
There is a common belief that mediation only works for straightforward divorces and that it isn’t suited for cases involving significant assets, business interests, or contested custody.
The Truth:
Mediation can be effective for both simple and complex cases.
In fact, it’s often more helpful in complicated disputes because it allows for tailored, creative solutions. For example, mediators can help craft detailed parenting plans or divide complex assets in ways that a court might not.
Mediators can also bring in experts, such as financial advisors or child specialists, to help address specific concerns.
Myth #5: The Mediator Will Take Sides
Some people worry that the mediator will favour one party over the other–especially if one person is more assertive or better at arguing their case.
The Truth:
Mediators are neutral by definition. Their role is to help both parties communicate and find common ground, not to take sides or decide who is “right”.
In some cases, a mediator may be asked to take a more active role, or they might offer gentle, evaluative feedback. But even then, it should be done carefully and respectfully.
If a mediator loses their neutrality–or the appearance it–they risk losing the trust of the parties. If you ever feel the mediator is being unfair, you have the right to raise your concerns or even stop the mediation.
A skilled mediator will ensure both parties feel heard, and that the process remains fair and balanced.
Myth #6: Mediation Is Too Expensive
The cost of mediation is another common concern for people. Many assume it will just add to an already overwhelming financial burden.
The Truth:
While mediation isn’t free, it’s almost always more affordable than going to court. Legal fees for lengthy court battles can skyrocket, while mediation often resolves issues in fewer sessions.
Plus, mediation is usually faster, which means you save both time and money.
Some mediators also offer payment plans or sliding scale fees to make the process more accessible. Depending on your income and other factors, free mediation services may also be available through the court or government programs.
Myth #7: You Don’t Need a Lawyer if You’re Mediating
It’s a common misconception that hiring a lawyer is unnecessary if you’re going through mediation.
The Truth:
It’s true you don’t need a lawyer to participate in mediation–but that doesn’t mean involving one is a bad idea. In fact, it’s often a very good idea to attend mediation with a lawyer, or to consult with one before and after the process. A good lawyer can help you understand your rights, review proposed agreements, and ensure the final outcome is in your best interests.
Extremely amicable or cooperative parties may decide not to seek legal advice because they’ve agreed they “don’t need lawyers.” While that may be true for some, it doesn’t mean that involving a lawyer will necessarily derail the process.
Many people find that working with both a mediator and a lawyer offers the best of both worlds: the collaboration of mediation with the legal protection of traditional representation.
When both parties consult lawyers—even briefly—mediation often runs more smoothly because they’re working from similar information and advice. This can help narrow the discussion and speed up resolution, rather than one or both parties having no idea what they’re entitled to or how much.
Myth #8: Mediation Doesn’t Work When There’s a Power Imbalance
When one person in the relationship has more control—whether it’s financial knowledge, decision-making power, or a dominant personality—it’s easy to assume mediation won’t work.
The Truth:
Mediators are trained to recognize and address power imbalances to help ensure a fair process. They create a structured environment where both parties can speak and feel heard.
If needed, mediators can also meet with each person separately – a process called caucusing – to explore sensitive issues privately.
The goal is to empower both parties to participate fully, regardless of any perceived imbalance.
Myth #9: Mediation Isn’t Appropriate if There’s a History of Family Violence
Many people believe that mediation is off the table if there has been family violence or emotional abuse in the relationship.
The Truth:
While mediation isn’t appropriate for every case involving abuse, it can still be an option in certain situations – with the right safeguards in place.
Mediators are trained to recognize these dynamics and can take steps to ensure safety, such as using separate sessions or offering virtual mediation. Both mediators and family lawyers will screen for family violence and adjust their approach based on what’s identified.
So, while it’s important to disclose any allegations or history of abuse in advance, the mediator will determine whether the process is appropriate and safe for you.
Myth #10: Mediation Is not Worth it Because it is Too Emotionally Draining
For individuals already feeling overwhelmed by divorce, the idea of sitting in a room with their ex can feel unbearable. Some may assume that avoiding such an uncomfortable situation will protect them or reduce their stress.
The Truth:
Mediation is designed to reduce emotional strain—not add to it. Unlike court, which can be adversarial and high-conflict, mediation encourages calm, respectful communication.
Mediators are trained to de-escalate tension and create a safe, structured environment for difficult conversations. If things become too intense, the mediator can pause the session or adjust the format to better support you.
These accommodations aren’t typically available in court – and litigation is almost always far more stressful and emotionally draining than mediation.
Myth #11: Mediation Doesn’t Work if One Party Is Unreasonable
You might think mediation is pointless if the other person refuses to cooperate, takes unreasonable positions, or makes outrageous demands.
The Truth:
While mediation does require some level of participation from both parties, it doesn’t mean you’re at the mercy of unreasonable behaviour. Mediators are skilled at redirecting discussions and helping people focus on practical, realistic solutions.
Mediation also provides space for candid conversations – without the fear that discussing options or “giving a little” will be used against you if an agreement isn’t reached. That flexibility often helps both parties soften their positions and explore solutions they might not have thought about in a more adversarial setting.
Without this kind of safe, structured environment, parties often come across as uncooperative—not because they’re unreasonable, but because there’s no room to explore and be creative. However, if someone is truly unwilling to engage, mediation can end, and you still have other options—like arbitration or court.
Myth #12: Mediation Ignores Children’s Needs
Parents often worry that mediation doesn’t prioritize what’s best for their children, and that the mediator may try to force them to agree to a parenting plan just to resolve the dispute.
The Truth:
Mediators are highly focused on creating solutions that benefit the entire family, especially children. Parenting plans and custody arrangements are common topics in mediation, and the process gives parents the flexibility to create schedules and agreements tailored to their children’s needs.
In fact, mediation often leads to better outcomes for children because it encourages cooperation, reduces conflicts, and keeps decision-making in the hands of the parents.
Myth #13: Mediation Takes Too Long
Some people think mediation drags out the divorce process unnecessarily.
The Truth:
Mediation is typically much faster than going to court. While the exact timeline depends on the complexity of the issues, many cases are resolved in a matter of weeks or months – compared to the years it can take to resolve a case through the courts.
Mediation also allows you to set your own pace, so you’re not stuck waiting for court dates. At a minimum, it can lead to the resolution of some issues, the narrowing of others, and the exchange of necessary information – making any future litigation more efficient.
And if mediation ultimately proves unsuccessful, the time spent is typically minimal when compared to the long and stressful process of moving through court to trial.
Myth #14: Mediation Means Giving Up Control
It’s easy to assume that the mediator or the other party will dictate the outcome.
The Truth:
This myth is completely backwards. Mediation actually puts you in control. Unlike court, where a judge makes the final decision, mediation allows you and the other party to create your own agreements. The mediator doesn’t decide anything for you, they guide the discussions and help you explore your options.
If you have agreed to a mediation/arbitration process, the mediator would only take on the role of decision-maker after mediation has been attempted. Even then, both parties would still have the opportunity to present their arguments and evidence, and to have the matter arbitrated in a procedurally fair and transparent manner.
Family law mediation is an effective and empowering option for many people. By understanding and debunking these common myths, you can approach mediation with confidence and clarity.
Whether you’re dealing with parenting matters, financial disputes, or other family law issues, mediation offers a path to resolution that prioritizes communication, cooperation, and respect. If you’re considering mediation, it’s a good idea to consult with a lawyer to see if it’s the right choice for you.
At Crossroads Law, our mediators and arbitrators are not only skilled in mediation, they’re also experienced family lawyers who understand both family law and how the legal process works. Whether you’re representing yourself or working with a lawyer, they’ll work with you to tailor the process so it’s as effective and efficient as possible.
If you’re interested in exploring mediation—and your partner is open to participating—reach out to us today to book a free 30-minute consultation with one of our intake specialists. They can answer your questions, walk you through the process, and help ensure you’re fully prepared and supported from start to resolution—and beyond.
